After 17years of Marriage, Abused Nigerian Wife Curses Husband for Destroying Her Life in Facebook Video
I just saw this Facebook video and I was dumbfounded. Maybe cos I can imagine the trauma, pain this woman is going through right now that made her pour her heart out publicly like this.
Bukola Oduwaiye took to her Facebook page on August 24, 2015, cursing and breathing fire on her estranged husband Frederick Segun Duyile, who she says took her kids away from her because he found her ‘to be violent and mentally unstable’. This is a man she says she fled from after enduring 6 years of harrowing abuse in Nigeria to Ireland. She was shocked when one day, Fred appeared at her new home in Ireland saying he wanted her and their marriage back.
Against her good judgement, based on sentiments, she took him back. They came back to Nigeria,
she spent all her life savings so that she and Fred can have a renewal of vows and 10th year wedding anniversary celebration in Nigeria. They got back to Ireland, she helped Fred obtain his stay in Ireland only for him to turn around and instigate the social services against her. He finally succeeded in getting custody of the children and imposed an injunction against her.
All of this was done, she says, in her absence in court due to a bereavement. She had no form of legal representation during the court hearing.
How love suddenly turns this sour and bitter between couples baffles me till tomorrow. Bukola’s video rant is a must watch, guys. I hope they resolve this matter peacefully. Just for the sake of their kids.
After the video is the full story of Bukola’s life with Fred. She poured her heart out in an email sent to SugarDaily.ng.
After that is a statement from her estranged husband Fredrick Segun Duyile.
Posted by Bukola Oduwaiye on Monday, 24 August 2015
BY BUKOLA ODUWAIYE
Today is the 10th birthday of my Irish born daughter, the very reason and purpose that brought me to Ireland; to seek protection for her, for myself and for my other 2 boys…but today, I have not even seen her nor had access to her for two years now as a result of ‘jungle justice’ carried out in a ‘Kangaroo court’ where I was not present, neither was I represented nor had any counsel in defense… even as my abuser with several records of violence got full custody of all my 4 kids plus a barring order against me…After I have been the sole custodian and sole carer and provider for my kids for 8 of my 10 years of stay in Ireland until the kids were given to him.
I was raised to keep family matters private but my silence, confidentiality, and love of family has been my greatest undoing…I have nothing at stake anymore, my own story wouldnt be told from the grave, I will tell it now and if anything happens to me thereafter, then the whole world will know who is responsible.
I met Frederick Segun Duyile aka Abdulfatha Bello in 1997 and we got married in 1998 after a short courtship, I was 22, he was 35 when we met, we courted and I moved in with him from my sister’s apartment as we started preparing for our wedding. It was then I started noticing his anger problems and extreme violence. We started off with practically nothing, the house we lived in and the old Peugeot car were passed down by his junior brother, I survived even with no generator or mosquito nettings on the windows as I had to light candles in place of electricity and cope with mosquitoes but I wasn’t complaining. Within a month or two, things became so good financially and a date was fixed for our traditional marriage, I noticed he never spent his evenings or nights at home and the earliest time he came home was 3:30am on regular basis.
We then got a houseboy and by the time I was 4 months pregnant, he had started beating me on a regular basis for minor mistakes in the home, if a glass is broken, I got the beating of my life. He had a leather belt with which he constantly beats me and the houseboy. The beating continued throughout the pregnancy but I was so ashamed to confide in anyone, I hid the patches on my body but the abuse was known to his close friends who frequented our home and sometimes he’ll even rip off my clothes while beating me in the presence of visitors.
After having my first son, the beating and violence became common knowledge to his family members and mine, and even my church members; who all insisted I had to make the marriage work by praying and fasting for him to change…I was beaten to a state of unconsciousness on a particular night when he came home and complained there was a bit of delay as I didn’t open the gate soon enough for him, the abuse became so unbearable and even he phoned my mum on an occasion that if my mum needed me alive, she should come and take me away and I tried to leave on several occasions but had nowhere to go since my mum insisted I must stay there.
His own mum and sister told me that he had suffered mental sickness as a result of being in Saudi Arabia prison for several years which he never told me before we got married…I always had to be awake all night waiting for his nightly return inorder to open the gate and also make his food for I was forbidden the use of the microwave as he would beat me and ask if I wanted him to contract cancer through the use of the microwave, so the food must be prepared fresh even in the middle of the night…after being beaten to a state of unconsciousness on one occasion, on another occasion he attacked me in the bath and I slipped in the bathtub my right arm was dislocated from my shoulder socket, I lost my second pregnancy as a result of severe physical, mental and emotional torture.
I was being used as his secretary and I couldn’t go out until I started an Engineering Programme in Unilag just to escape from the house, we had cars but I drove in fear because each time I got a scratch by a careless bus driver, I knew I’d be beaten and kicked to the ground. The cars were obviously more of value to him than I was, as I got beaten and kicked for any scratch on the cars. I drove good cars and he bought me expensive clothes and jewelleries but I was treated worse than a slave.
He constantly had quarrels with his friends and brothers and they will then make up again but one incidence I will never forget was in December 2001, he and his brother, Kenny Duyile aka Gabriel Odugbemi had one of their usual problems and Kenny started sending mobile policemen to threaten me in the house, I was 9 months pregnant with my second son, I was so greatly disturbed as I constantly had contractions from all the disturbances, I went into hospital and had my second son on the 8th of January 2002 at the Mother&Child Hospital on Adeniyi Jones Ikeja, Lagos. I had a Caesarian section and just after coming round from aneasthesia, Segun Fred Duyile then phoned his brother Kenny Duyile who came to the hospital with a bus load of hoodlums, the hospital staff refused them entry on the grounds that it was too late in the night, I was just coming out of surgery, and they looked dangerous and were too many. Then Kenny Duyile and his thugs started beating all staff and patients, they broke glass windows, lightings…… I was just coming out of surgery and couldnt move but I went into shock and was bleeding profusely, my new born baby was rushed away for safety together with my 3 yr old son…. Kenny Duyile’s friends then attacked the matron who blocked him from gaining access to me and he bit off the matron’s finger …….this facts can be checked at the Mother&Child hospital, Adeniyi Jones Ikeja….it all happened on the night of 8th of January 2002….thank God I survived once again.
There was no explanation or apologies….their mother came four months later to tell me that because her 2 sons had a quarrel, she therefore in her Celestial church bought a brand new sword and cut a pregnant goat into two; threw one half into the bar beach and buried the other part in the ground. Therefore someone was either going to die or go and never return back; and so on the night that I had the baby when Kenny Duyile returned Tosin Duyile(her third son) to her house by 3am, claiming Tosin refused to do what he was supposed to do at the hospital where I had the baby; she collapsed upon hearing that I had the baby.
Then their sister Tale Duyile’s husband Mr Ewosika came to our house crying that Kenny Duyile and their mum got him locked up by mobile police officers and within the 3days of locking him up, they had used his healthy infant son for money rituals, it was a set of twins, of which the healthy one suddenly died of unknown cause, he claimed he had to report the incidence to OPC. Also he told the story of how a previous first son by Tale Duyile was also used for rituals at the same Celestial church of their mum; Mr Ewosika also pointed out the previous case and insisted that his baby must be exhumed for him to see as he wouldn’t accept why within 3 days of locking him up, how a baby will suddenly die and they wouldn’t leave the corpse for him as the father to make all necessary rites..
Their mum came in February 2003 to tell me that someone was either going to die, or go and never come back, she stayed in our house for a week during which she would wake up every night chanting her celestial incantations and cursing the wife that wouldn’t let her sons take care of her. She left, and then Segun Duyile travelled in February 2003 to attend his 419 fraud business in Kish Island where he was caught up by the Interpol and whisked off to Iran… I didn’t hear from him and was getting worried until his friend came in to give me the bad news, I fainted and later came round but couldn’t even remember anything about myself, I didn’t know what would be his fate in faraway Iran, I neither slept nor ate for several days because he was incommunicado, I went from pillar to post praying for mercy….eventually we heard from him and he explained that if I could sell off some cars to raise money, he might be released. All his close friends and associates discouraged me from sending the money because they claimed there was no hope of his release and I was just going to lose the money, they advised I should keep whatever we had and take care of my sons but I said I would do anything to save the father of my children as he explained to me that the prison condition in Iran was so terrible and he wouldn’t survive it… I went everywhere soliciting funds, sold my personal jewelleries, sold cars; all to have him released.
Eventually he was released but failed to come home, he was in Dubai for several months…. None of his brothers or family members came to check on us or came to his assistance while he had this problem, there was just one friend of his, Mayowa Agbelusi, who was of assistance, I had no domestic help anymore, I had to take care of my 2 sons, queue up at the petrol station, be the guard at our gate, did everything all alone….Mayowa was the only one who came checking up on us and eventually I saw so much kindness in him and we got intimate, I became pregnant and I chose to have my baby because in the first instance I never had any marriage that was worth protecting… I was fed up….Segun Duyile came back to Nigeria and I left Nigeria with my 2 sons to seek asylum in Ireland. I left him in Nigeria with everything we both worked for, I left him with 4 cars and landed property and came to Ireland with only my 2 sons and a pregnancy plus my BTA…
I had my daughter Catriona in February 2004, Segun Duyile came to Ireland in July 2004 and asked me questions and I admitted the paternity of my daughter, we both cried throughout the night and he left the next morning for London to inform his brother Kenny Duyile, from then on, himself and Kenny kept calling me at odd hours of the night and day, threatening me that I was either going to die or run mad if I don’t come back to Nigeria with their two sons, I became so ill from the incessant threats. I was living with the pains of separation from family and friends, I was coping with caring for 2 boys and an infant, I was living with the stigma of having a child out of wedlock, and was being given sleepless nights from threats by him and his brother and mother who were never there for him when he had to face death in Iran.
The threats continued until one afternoon, while cooking, I suddenly switched off the cooker and strapped my baby to the buggy, together with my boys, we went to Dublin Airport and I kept screaming to be taken to Nigeria, from there I went to the Nigerian Embassy, the officials called Kenny Duyile even though I didnt give them his name as my next of kin, Kenny then called an ambulance to drop me at the emergency of Beaumont hospital while he took my 3 kids and after 2 days went to give them up for foster care, from Beaumont hospital, I was taken to the psychiatric hospital and later discharged. After I got my kids back from foster care, Segun Duyile still continued with his threats, he said my second son Leke was never going to talk, everyone who knew me in Tralee, Kerry between 2004 to 2006 was aware that Leke never spoke a word until he was 4years old, I took him for psychological assessments, to speech therapists, even he had ear surgery, all to no avail until he was 4 years and one day just started talking.
Every one advised me to cut off communication with Segun Duyile but I still felt the kids needed their dad and I wasn’t going to stand in the way of him playing his role as a dad. For all the years in Ireland I have been the sole custodian and carer for all the kids. I studied, I worked part time, I went into small scale trading; at different times. I put all of myself into being both a mother and a father to my kids, then in October 2007, Segun Duyile showed up at my door, he had come in illegally through Belfast with his brother Kenny Duyile who had thrown my kids into foster care some years back, they came with another friend of theirs and starting talking about making things work again for the sake of the kids. I refused and begged them to leave my house, even then, I gave him all the options of joint custody. I saw how the kids were so excited about their dad, the kids have never had anyone to call a dad for years.
I made the greatest mistake of my life, I gave in to sentiments, I wanted a family, I wanted a dad for my kids, by 2008, I wrote a letter of invitation for Segun Duyile to get a visa to Ireland .He made a lot of promises concerning our family life, I thought it was a new beginning, we even had our 10th wedding anniversary and renewal of vows… I put in 100% of myself into pleasing him but a leopard never changes its spots…I was still suffering in silence as a result of his insensitivity and lack of feelings or compassion… He came for visits to Ireland, I had our daughter Amanda and he brought in his girlfriend from the UK, Francesca Chukwuedo Lawal whom he introduced as his sister from another mother, but Kenny Duyile’s wife had hitherto given me information about Francesca who used to be a live-in girlfriend to her own husband and their group of friends before they eventually transferred her to my own husband and then promised to secure her a permanent ‘maga’ husband in the name of Lekan Lawal…as he brought in his mistress to my home, I couldn’t be bothered as I was recovering from child birth and was also busy nursing my new baby.
I went about my own activities, I would leave both of them alone in the house and come back sometimes to notice the fly of his pants were down….Francesca took over my daughter’s room and one day Segun Duyile beat the living daylight out of my daughter Catriona for entering Francesca’s room and pulling down the blind, I took my daughter away and sat in front of Tesco crying…this is the daughter that I couldnt even nurse properly due to trauma and threats from him, the same child he said would never live, the child that has known trauma from infancy, the same child whose birth got us Residency in Ireland, and the same child that gave us a home in Ireland…and now he’s beating her for entering her own room, in her own home…because of his girlfriend…. Francesca became so saucy and openly challenged me on why I didn’t abort my daughter Catriona, and I asked why she didn’t abort her own baby… then both herself and Segun Duyile started fighting me in my own home….my neigbhour had to assist in calling the police to remove Francesca from my home.
Segun Duyile continued with all mental and emotional abuse towards me and would even abuse me in the presence of the kids, he would travel around the world with girlfriends and even post the pictures on facebook without regards for me or our mutual friends and family. He will then come to Ireland fighting me to give him the child benefit, which I explained to him I utilised towards the children’s upkeep, there was no support from him and I wasn’t complaining but I couldn’t give him money because we needed all we could get, I took loans to pay my own tuition for my Professional exams and I expected him to even be grateful that we were managing okay without any support from him except the car which we bought both with all my own personal savings and some money from him and the occasional xmas presents he bought for the kids.
I had no peace, he fought and abused me over money, he was never satisfied with anything even if I was doing it with my last drop of blood….in August 2010, I realised that the greatest mistake of my life was Segun Duyile and his second coming, I hated myself for being so naive and foolish to think that we could ever live together in harmony, I realised that I had messed up my life once again by allowing him in Ireland, after all my suffering and torture through him…I had my son in the car with me when I was crying and I crashed, I remember coming out of the car and lying in the middle of the road crying that I wanted to die, I woke up in the hospital the next day.
The abuse continued and I kept everything all to myself until January 2011 when I begged him to leave my house and he refused, I told him there was no way we could live together anymore, but he started threatening me again, in April, I got a barring order against him which I didnt go to court to effect but just wanted it as to caution him.
He had gone behind my back to apply for residency and his residency was granted, then 3 days later, I was dressed and was just stepping out to go to work when he rushed out, I asked him about our daughter who was sleeping upstairs and he said he had to leave, he left home 3 days after using me to get resident permit in Ireland, the same way he used me to get his 1st UK visa. the next thing he deid was to try to throw me out of my home and render me homeless after all the years of my suffering in Ireland…that of course failed.
I went to Dublin to attend a workshop while himself and his friend Alex Akinyemi abducted the kids from their minder and went to Social Services to tell all sorts of lies …it was investigated and found to be false, this same faggot liar of a fraud called Alex Akinyemi who happens to be a Redeemed Church pastor would sit in my home and be discussing his wife in a very negative light as he assumed the responsibility of condemning all female lone parents to hell fire, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg to hell fire and even condemned the late Princess Diana as a whore but sees himself as being righteous with his own lies and fraudulent life.
I am very very straight and there is no question about my sexuality, I heard all the allegations of Segun Duyile’s homosexual alliance with a certain Hausa friend of his in Lagos, whose wife is also aware of this, I understand they are a dreaded cult in Nigeria, he has a right to be bi-sexual but as for me, I have the right to remove him from my life as I and my children would never be a part of that lifestyle and since the children are a product of our heterosexual marriage and so IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE FOR ANYONE TO THINK THEY COULD GIVE THE CHILDREN TO AN HOMOSEXUAL ALLIANCE.
He went to court seeking full custody of the children as he threatened me over child benefit, he framed all lies and used the car accident incidence to portray me as an unfit mother, by now, himself and his lawyer had formed a close alliance with the social workers…I was in my home with my kids at Christmas of 2011 when the police and the social workers came to forcefully remove my kids from my home…I couldn’t even appear in court when the case came up as I lost my dad during that period…I sent in a statement of the case history and asked for an adjourment…the judge in my town of Tralee absolved himself from sitting over that case, they took the case to Killorglin, the judge in Killorglin also refused to avail himself of that case…and then they fixed it to Killarney where they got him a full custody and a barring order against me.
I have no case with Frederick (who was only a guest in my house) in any Law Court because there is no court on this earth that can settle the case between him and myself but I will still be the one to TEACH HIM THE MEANING OF JUSTICE….he it was, that took me to court again for violation of the barring order when I wrote a letter to my 15 year old son and also tried to see my son on his birthday the penultimate year….to think that a woman would go through 15 years of torture, trauma, and abuse and even leave for a man every asset they had both worked for; and choosing only her kids…then the same man walks away with her kids, thereby destroying her relationship with her kids …destroying even her image by falsely portraying her as an incompetent mother.
HE HAS DESTROYED MY PAST AND A PART OF MY PRESENT AND I WONT HAVE HIM DESTROY MY FUTURE THROUGH MY KIDS…I have a number of questions for the Health Service Executive HSE, over this case….also I have written letters and I’m still engaged in correspondence with the Minister of Justice, as I need explanations as to whether I have nominated Frederick to have custody of my kids, even if in case I am incapacitated, also I need answer as to whether it is possible for a barber to perform the job of barbing a head that is not present in his barbing shop…or if it is possible for a surgeon to perform an operation on an absent patient …because I WAS NOT PRESENT IN COURT, NEITHER HAD I A COUNSEL IN DEFENSE WHEN THE RULING WAS MADE…ALL I DID WAS SENT IN A STATEMENT AND ASKED FOR AN ADJOURNMENT WHILE THE KIDS SHOULD REMAIN IN THE CARE OF THE HSE, SINCE IT WAS THE HSE THAT REMOVED THE KIDS FROM MY HOME…also I HOLD THE HSE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL MENTAL TRAUMA INFLICTED ON MYSELF AND THE KIDS AS A RESULT OF THIS MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE AND FOR ANY DAMAGES OR MOLESTATION THAT MAY BE INFLICTED ON THE KIDS AS THEY HAVE BEEN GIVEN TO FREDERICK DUYILE.
MY STATEMENT ON BUKOLA ODUWAIYE’S VIDEO – ESTRANGED HUBBY REPLIES
“You probably watched a videotape made by my estranged wife, Bukola. In that video, she said many awful things about me and my family. I know how intense anyone hearing this for the first time would feel upon viewing her video. All things considered, I felt it important to make this brief statement as my reaction to that videotape.
“The purpose of this statement is not really to convince you that there is no truth in what Bukola said, even though all of it, yes all of it, is false and without substance. The fact, which I have always been reluctant to disclose, is that Bukola has not been well. We have struggled for years now with her devastating mental health condition.
“I make this statement just for our children’s sake. As you may have known, the courts of Ireland examined the facts of our family problems. After many interventions by child welfare services and the authorities, the Courts of Ireland determined that it was in the best interest of our children for them to be with their father because their mother’s health challenges have turned her into a danger to the children and to me. You will never know this by watching her video. Instead, you will most likely conclude that she is a victim of gross spousal abuse. But just like the Irish authorities, anybody that really gets to the facts will disagree with her.
“I will not come out here to try to persuade you to believe that the mother of my 4 children is a monster or evil. No! In fact, she is really a great person, except that she is not well. If we have anyone to blame for what she is doing, it will be the insidious ill-health that has ravaged her.
“If I have a request to make of you, it is that you consider the interest of our young children as you may be tempted to publicize or further disseminate Bukola’s video. All of us, including her parents and siblings, are ashamed by it all. We would be grateful if you can pray for us and allow us the privacy we need to cope with the situation. Thank you very much.”
Photo credit: SugarDaily.ng
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