Home Adult Talks My Girlfriend Donated A Kidney To Me, But I’m Not In Love Anymore. What Do I Do?
My Girlfriend Donated A Kidney To Me, But I’m Not In Love Anymore. What Do I Do?

My Girlfriend Donated A Kidney To Me, But I’m Not In Love Anymore. What Do I Do?

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Hi NGTrends Readers,
I am 32years old and my girlfriend is 31years old. We’ve been together for 5 years and now live together in a nice house. Things have been slowly fizzling out and I’ve been feeling like we don’t belong together for a few months now. I feel like if I don’t make a decision soon we will be married and I will feel this way forever. But on the other hand, getting a kidney transplant has changed my life for the better in so many ways. I feel like staying together is the right thing to do even if I’m not in love anymore. I’ll never be able to pay her back. I’m so torn and conflicted and feel like I have to make an impossible choice.

If I stay with her, I’ll always feel trapped and in a loveless relationship. If I break up with her, I’ll forever feel like an evil person for dumping someone who literally put their life on the line for me.

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  1. Give her the kidney back. So, u didn’t know the relationship was loveless when u took it from her. At what point exactly did u realize it is/was loveless??? This isn’t supposed to be a debate. If u didn’t love her, why did you take the kidney?? It is easy for you now to evaluate your relationship when your health is back to normal. Why did you not evaluate the relationship on ur sick bed??? Pls, don’t forget kidney is not iphone or laptop. Just because of you she has to modify her lifestyle and most likely, she might be on drugs for life. In my own opinion, u should be hung upside down for even being confused. You can say that love is important and u don’t want to be stuck in a loveless relationship. Can a dead man love??? You must be a self-centred person. Give her the kidney back like I said earlier, afterwards, go and look for love. Let’s see how many women will be willing to give u their kidneys. U better don’t let thunder strike that your kidney. RUBBISH

  2. So he is obligated to spend the rest of his life with her because she donated her kidney?

  3. @mike. It’s easy for you to say when it wasn’t your kidney that was removed. The rest of his life??? In the first place, who made it happen (apart from God) for him to live that life you’re talking about?

  4. She was very giving. People have to stop doing “spouse” things when they’re not a spouse. He should be ashamed if he stay in the relationship for the kidney. It’s not like he can give the kidney back now that he’s changed his mind about the relationship. His woman deserves better, but she has to know she deserves better.

  5. This is a tough one, I think long term relationships aren’t always flowers and sunshine, and neither is marriage. He should definitely talk with her about some of the things that’s been causing him to feel like he’s no longer in love. Relationships take effort from both parties to be long lasting. She definitely shows signs of someone who will love you unconditionally and have your back no matter what. And let’s not forget he was in love with her and I’m sure for good reasons. If after the conscious effort to make things work, it’s still not popping off then he needs to have the adult convo to break things off with her and do ALL that he can to salvage the friendship. I mean for Christ sake she did give him a kidney for crying out loud

  6. Tell her you’re leaving, and you know that her kidney saved your life. Tell her you would like to give her a gift in recognition of the fact that she made the rest of your life possible. Pay off her student loans or give her the house you live in. The financial setback should be big enough to recognize the fact that without her, you’d be dead.

    Talk to her about what financial gift she would prefer, so you don’t mess up her tax liability.

    Hold up your end of the bargain. Then leave with a clear conscience.

  7. You should have said that before she gave you her kidney. Love is not just a feeling, its a choice, commitment of loving someone. There are days that you will not feel in love with your partner, but you choose to commit to him or her. She chose to compromise her health and put her life on the line. Do you think it was easy?? NO! Think carefully before you regret later.

  8. Live your life whichever ways makes you happiest. You are thankful for her kidney and that was a gift of love. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed. Be honest and up front. As you’re accountable for the decisions you make, so is she. All you owe anyone is obtaining your own peace of mind.

  9. I would maybe start by asking him what he’s done to work on the relationship. So its “fizzing out” — has he tried anything to correct this? What about it isn’t working for him? Has he discussed the need to mix things up? Relationships require constant work to stay healthy and strong, and given his description, I don’t get the impression he’s done anything to work on it, as if great relationships just magically happen.

    And is it even her or is his more generally upset about his life in general, now that he has a long one to look forward to? Quarter life crisis maybe? This sort of thing is somewhat common in the early 30s. This may not even be about her specifically, he might just be focusing on the wrong things.

    I think he needs to make a real effort to understand the source of his feelings, and make a serious, honest effort to correct them rather than just walk away from a life he’s been building with her. Talk with her about trying to improve things — she gave him a kidney, so she’s obviously willing to work on this relationship. Don’t blindside her with this — they need to try to work this out together. He owes her at least that much. After all that, if nothing is working, then walk away. At least then she won’t be too surprised, and he won’t be a complete tool.

  10. For those of you saying he needs to give the kidney back please STOP IT. Coming from someone who donated a kidney once it’s out of your body and in someone else’s it can never be used again. Even if the kidney is perfectly fine . That woman donating her kidney doesn’t obligate him to her forever. You can be genuinely thankful for the gesture in other ways that doesn’t include a marriage and loveless relationship.

  11. PAY HER AN EXORBITANT AMOUNT OF MONEY. You owe her money for that and the years you’ve now wasted of her life anyway.

  12. Often, owing someone will take away parity, and leave the indebted person feeling obligated and thereby diminished, especially if you can’t repay the gift. The lost parity and the obligation can lead to bitterness that can seem like you don’t love them anymore.
    People loan friends money, and frequently lose both the money and the friend. It is the imbalance, shame, or guilt that takes away the liking and the loving.
    So instead of leaving, how about making an effort to create a life that will elevate her, support her ambitions, reduce her stress, and thereby, repay the gift, not for her sake but for yours.

  13. Why not communicate with your girlfriend and try to find way to fall back in love with her. Surely if there is something you feel she’s lacking in, she would be willing to make changes to make it work. It’s obvious she loves you so instead of just leaving you should reinvent your relationship so you both can be happy.

  14. quite simple..if. You were the one that donated the kidney…and she decides to leave u for another man,how would uhave felt…Grow up man…love is not all about the feelings…many times your may feel nothing..commitment is what keep you going….

  15. Tough choice nonetheless one must be made.
    Don’t be a prick and stay with her dogging her out or disregarding her to make her make the choice you ultimately wanted to make. Make the choice.
    Women are so giving. It isn’t her fault at all that you are not in love although I hate she donated her kidney especially with you all not being married.
    There is nothing else that can be done.
    I was stupid once and stayed down with a man while he was in prison for 2 years and waited for him and did EVERYTHING. He then got out and decided after a few months that he would be a jackass to me and make it seem like my fault for why he wanted to leave…don’t do that. Just respect her enough to tell her honestly how you feel and move on. Maybe just remain friends or not. But please be respectful of her and tell her. Don’t hurt her even more.
    And next time, don’t be that guy that willingly takes somethin so major from any woman that is not your wife!

  16. I agree with one of the above posters: love is a choice! She can’t make you love her and vice versa. Just be straight up with her. She may hate you at first but she will ultimately respect you later.

  17. you can slowly try to rekindle the love with doing most things together that u used to do that made you both happy. However. if its doesn’t work out you have to be honest with her which is the hardest thing. You have to strategies a wise way to explain to her and not drop it like a bombshell. And after all is said and done, depending on her reaction and decision always remember she risked it all for you. So as you move on always be there for her even when she doesn’t know, you may have fallen out of love but you should remember you owe to be a friend to her always. All the best

  18. Have you already given up on getting your relationship together? Have you talked to her? Have you tried counseling? If not, then it’s not the relationship that has fizzled, you have fizzled and you need to let her go. Why? So that she can be free to find love with someone who actually wants to be with her. Be honest with her. You at least owe her that.

  19. I’m all for the kidney. Is anyone worried about the kidney and what the kidney thinks. Maybe the kidney don’t want her back.

  20. Okay. She did a good deed for you for whatever reason. Say thank God. Ok,it’s done already so telling him give her back her kidney is relentless. she’s living all now and so is he both with one kidney so hopefully she’ll be fine in due time if separated. If he feels like it just can’t work out anymore first sit down and talk it over with her and weigh the pros and cons. See what or how she feels about having a separation. And go from there. That’s my take on it

  21. You suck. How many women were knocking down your door when you were sick? And now you think you will find someone better? Good Luck

  22. SMH…this world is so evil. Do u think if she knew you were a fluke she would give up her kidney for you? You’ve been together for 5years and now u just want to throw her out like yesterday’s trash. After the fact that she didn’t only risk her life for your stupid azz, you gave her false hope and wasted her time. BRAVO! WELL DONE!!!
    Do u think ppl that are married for ever, are always in love with eachother. That a Hell to da NO. People fall in and out of love with eachother all the time but they stay and make it work that’s commitment. Just to be clear, I’m not talking about toxic and abusive relationship whether it’s being mental physical or whatever.
    Seriously, she deserves better than you. You goat however will get just what u deserve. Let God be the Judge.

  23. At what point did u realize that u r in a loveless rship? What drew you to her in the first place and u realized that u loved her? What has changed?? Retrace your steps back to the time you started the rship look at what at what drew you to her, the small things that you did to each other that matered and then evaluate what has changed and why it has. Consider the emotional turmoil that this girl will go through once u walk out investing five years of your life isn’t something that you would just let go. Or do you think you will find a perfect love than hers?? Be warned that you will collectin stones will the jewels slip out of your hand or do i ask how many girlfriends would sacrifice their kidneys for a boyfriends??? Do you think you would lead a perfect life out there when you leave her? Remember if you make her cry there is no way you will be in peace this is a daughter of God that did it out of her good heart God will be seeing each and every tear she cries and dont think you will have peace. Its better to stick with the devil you know than the angel you don’t and don’t think that the grass will always be greener on the other side. She deserves better. Retrace your steps to when you started the rship look at wats different now, why have things changed. If at all there was love am sure it can be rekindled. Love is nurtured and it grows. All the best in whatever decision you choose to make.

  24. Would she have donated her kidney if it wasn’t her bf? Don’t think so. If you were not in love, then you shouldn’t have received it. In my opinion, she made a sacrifice, you should at least be willing to work things out. It’s because of people like you that bfs/gfs can’t make this kind of sacrifice. You should hv told her that you’d fallen out of love before she gave up the kidney. That way, it would have been her call to make.

  25. This story reminds me of how fallen we are as human.
    Look at Jesus, a man who literally DIED for us and we still go like …”Meeehh! Me I want to play around, Jesus is for sinners/dogs”

    God saved the Egyptians from slavery and suffering but they forgot God and they still went like …..”Meeeeeeh! I want to worship a god I can see and touch and more fun and interesting. This Lord of ours in boring.”

    The story of Adam and Eve. They had everything they wanted and needed but these guys still went like …”Meeehh!! Imagine the unknown unknowns…let’s eat the apple and discover new things”

    What does God have to do to show us He loves us…what do our friends, parents, lovers, siblings, etc have to do???

    Love is a decision! We decide to forgive, we decide to be patience, kind, selfless and not envious. It is hard but we must decide everyday!!!
    We as Christians decide to follow Jesus because he is the perfect example of love and only he can lead us where none of us has ever truly known!

    I have come to learn that we as humans are not bad to begin with, but our yearning for things we don’t need, takes us down a dark path!!

    These things we call “FEELINGS” -Very deceptive they are. If DECIDE to love someone and CHOOSE to commit. Everything else is fleeting.

    I pray for this gentleman to meet and get to know Jesus.

  26. To the first poster justme: SHE will not need be on any drugs for any period of time. HIM? Yes he will need to take meds for life so his body does not start to reject the organ. I am sure she is feeling the change in the relationship and she may be right where he is also. A TALK, an honest talk, needs to be had. If there is no love for her, no reason the delay the inevitable. Tell the truth and move on with life, allowing her to do the same.

  27. Tough one. While I get that comments about the lack of spousal commitment prior to the organ donation, that’s not the issue here. This dude could still feel this way if they were married. I feel as though there is something he isn’t telling us that’s essential for us to know and besides that he should have addressed these changes in feelings well before now even if it was on his own in individual therapy. As for the gf I empathize with her but I must say, she’s a “big girl” and this is something she should have taken into account prior to the organ donation. I’m glad they didn’t just rush into a marital commitment without being “ready”. And just b/c you’re living together doesn’t mean you are. Life will go on for her if this relationship doesn’t work out and she will easily gain a better partner. Life will go on for him and he will have to be the one carrying those feelings of guilt. He will NEVER ever forget her and imo even if they split a part, if she’s still available, he’ll be back. He wants to go and play the field. They’ve been together since their 20s and he probably feels like he’s missing out on something but once he explores, he will realize he had the best thing going for him when he was with her. This dude doesn’t mention anything about wanting to save their relationship and breaks it down to together or break up essentially…no in between such as “I really want to love the womyn who gave me life literally. This guy is immature and needs to grow up and if he can’t man up and say this to her, he needs to move on and out the door. At the same token you best believe this gf knows something isn’t right in their relationship so this won’t be much of a surprise to her. With that, she’s probably afraid to ask. So this is a shared responsibility. This should have also been something they both talked about prior to the donation and in fact there should have been a mandatory counseling session between them before the paperwork was signed. That’s me speaking from my chaplain hat. We sit on boards like this and take these things into account when it comes to deciding who receives the available donation. Finally, it’s not uncommon for couples to drift a part during times of long term illness. He was sick and she was caretaker. There was no time to invest in the relationship solely so it’s almost as if there wasn’t one and it’s like trying to start over. Whatever he decides I think it’s important for them to remain connected even as just friends. It sucks but you have to commend him for honoring his feelings and seeking advice.

  28. No one just falls out of love. You knew things were strained before the kidney. You can however see a relationship counselor. Anyway being together for five years I am sure she felt like love was definitely a big factor. You can save this relationship and be guilt free at the same time. At least try your best to reserve your relationship by sacrificing just as she has.

  29. You are so full of it. She was good enough to donate her kidney to save your life but she isn’t good enough for you to stick around to fix your relationship???

  30. Your not always going to be in love with whoever you choose…that feeling goes back and forth… But to find someone so loyal that they literally did give you a kidney…. That is a hard find, I just see a man missing his youth… You should have never excepted her kidney, or at least let her know before she gave it to you. Everyone wants what they don’t have, and chances are you will live to regret leaving her… You need a seriouse reality check.

  31. life isnt always at our favour all d tym,wen u needed d kidney she dint think she din lov u,shes living on 1kidney bcus she loves u,in dis century u will nvr find someone who loves u well enuf to evn donate blood for u,dy wud rather pray for u,u are very wicked,try workin out d relationship,or u return d kidney back nd take frm whosoevr u love now,lets see if she loves u enuf to gv her kidney,men r jst demonic

  32. If there is anything that is making u to feel bad about dd relationship, tlk to her n sort things out because the girl who did this for you can also die for u (of which I know u can’t do). Sort things out with her and build your relationship or if u feel u are trapped then give her back her kidney (for her to be complete) and leave the relationship and then rot in hell (of which I know is the next thing for ur dumb ass).

  33. First of all, she is 31years, and u spent five years together, that should mean something to u. Not forgetting the fact that she gave you her kidney. You need space, staying together outside marriage first of all is wrong and suffocating. You guys have come a long way to just run out of love. U need to talk with her, get a mutual understanding, and work at rekindling d love u first had for her. U owe her Dat much, not just looking for d quick route out.

  34. @femme_esq wat part of d world are u from? If it was easy to buy kidney with money why didn’t he buy one at the initial stage, u can’t monetize dis situation, no amount of money or gift or settlement as u said can equal wat Dat gal has gone through and will go through if he breaks up with her. Of course she will definitely come out strong and Wise. So abeg don’t involve money it jst pisses me off.

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